sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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