Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
