If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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