Apparently you make a good broom.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
