I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
