i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
