it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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