well you can't waste a boner
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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