Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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