dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
