Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
