Umm I'm too high to move.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
