Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
