we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
