woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
