I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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