He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
