he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
this boner is exhausting
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
