Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
