I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
where are my eyebrows?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
