meet me or not, i'm out of control
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
