No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
