I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
