Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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