you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
