I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
