barbara walters just said penis...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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