I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
