It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
