I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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