Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
