Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
