sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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