Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
