I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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