All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
