im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
