New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
