My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
