I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
