you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
