it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
