I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
