You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
