If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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