even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
