I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
