Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
