his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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