Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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