I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
