I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
