Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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